The first time I went to church was when I was five, in Tucson, Arizona. It was a small church that my mom had found out through a group of friends. Back then I just came from China, and I didn’t even know anything about God, or even English. In that church, they taught us many things, but mainly basic facts and bible stories. Compared to other kids in that church, I was not well-behaved and I was very conceited, and it definitely showed through my actions. As I grew up in Arizona, I wasn’t okay with who I was, and it felt as if I always wanted to be someone else. Even at a young age, I was angry at the world, mostly because I felt pressured by my parents to be like the other kids. The problem that I had was that I felt shamed, ashamed of myself, and I didn’t know how to talk to God.
When I was 8, I moved to Texas and started going to ACC. There I met April and Joanna. At ACC, I went to Sunday school regularly and was very content. I learned biblical things, but I didn’t know how to connect with God, and I didn’t know how to have faith in him. I wanted to believe that God existed, but I didn’t know if he was there. When I got to middle school, I started getting separated from Jesus and I got caught up in what I wanted, and I was extremely rebellious. I didn’t listen to my parents, and I wanted things that I couldn’t have.
It seemed that I grew farther and farther apart from God, and I had so many questions that it seemed like no one could answer for me. They were questions about life and death, and other religions and animals and heaven. I argued with many people about my uncertainty. I wasn’t sure about God, so asking people was the only thing I had in mind. I was really struggling, and it felt like I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t fit in at ACC, I also didn’t do well in school, where I kept making the same mistakes over and over again, not knowing how to stop. One day, however, my parents made me to another church for a onetime thing, and I told them I absolutely didn’t want to go, but they still forced me to.
As it turned out, at that program, there was an international pastor that was there, giving a sermon. Through this sermon, I learned a lot. I learned that God is powerful, and he has a plan for everyone and how to have faith in him. When I went home that day, for the first time, in a long time, I prayed to God. I asked him for me to find him. I asked him to give me answers. I asked him to give me patience, to give me courage. And I didn’t have all of those things overnight, but I was a lot happier.
Over the next two years, I tripped and I fell, I still made some of the same mistakes, but God was always there to help me, and putting my trust in him was the best thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t fight as much with my parents anymore, well, I still do, but, it’s gotten better. When we moved to RCCA this fall, I was reticent about it and didn’t want to go at first, but now that I’ve come here, my faith has grown stronger. I decided not to argue any more, and just from now on, to listen, and to seek the truth. Because I realized that God really never left me, and he loves me just the way I am, always welcoming me with wide open arms. I always thought that it was me that we supposed to find God, but actually, he found me.